Finding Happiness: How Forgiving my Mother Radically Changed my Life.
Welcome to my TEDx talk!
This is the TEDx talk that I did in April 2019. It is in English with subtitles available for several languages, including French, German and Turkish. To find these, simply go to the parameters and click on “subtitles”. You can then choose among available options.
Enjoy your viewing and don’t hesitate to leave a comment on YouTube!
In this TEDx talk, I show how my difficult relationship with my mom caused me a lot of unhappiness and describe the path that allowed me to finally forgive her for not giving me what I was expecting from her.
I present myself as the Happiness Lady these days but believe me, that was the farthest thing from my reality earlier in my life. I searched so long and hard for my happiness and it is precisely BECAUSE I struggled so much to find it that I now want to help YOU to find YOUR happiness.
Part of what made me unhappy as a child was my relationship with my mother. I got on a TEDx stage and told the story of how forgiving my mother was key for me to finding happiness. A number of women told me that they could relate to my story and that my talk was inspiring to them. I write this in hope that it can inspire you.
The importance of feeling seen for who you are.
When I was a child, I couldn’t connect with my mother in the way I longed to. She couldn’t see me for who I really was. This started very early on and created what attachment theory calls insecure attachment.
Growing up, I seemed to be successful at everything I did, but my relationships with people always felt unsuccessful. I was looking for my mother’s love in everyone and that definitely couldn’t work!
I started therapy at a young age, I was not even 20. In my case it took a long time to heal because the attachment wound was so precocious and so deep. Depending on your history, it may take less time!
Do you feel seen for who you are?
An important realization!
One day, after an important therapy session, I realized that I had been fighting the wrong battle. I had been trying to change my mother, to change my husband, I thought the problem was outside! That was a hard awakening!
I had realized that I could not change anyone other than myself!
Are you trying to change someone else?
Finally, I realized that my mother had done the best she could. So had everyone else… I just wish I could have seen that sooner.
The most important part of my transformation is coming to a deep place of acceptance that people are the way they are. As I progressively took this in, I stopped looking for love and validation from others, and became able to interact with them in an open way, be curious about them, rather than making it all about me.
This changed ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for me.
How do YOU relate to others?
A happy ending
A few years ago, my mom started showing signs of cognitive decline. This can be a very difficult time for those who are close. Because I had done the work of forgiving my mother and because I was no longer expecting her to give me what she couldn’t, I was able to be with her, really be with her in the last year of her life.
Maybe you have someone with cognitive decline in your environment.
In December 2018, my mom died while I was on a trip. I did not expect that I would never see her again. But because I was at peace with her, because I was able to forgive her, I was able to be at peace with her death, just as I had become able to be at peace with her in her illness.
Forgiving my mother radically changed my life!
Who in your life will YOU forgive?
You can watch the video of my TEDx talk here.
If you think this can help someone you know, please share!
Your Happiness Guide
Founder of EUDOKIMA