Working As A Caregiver, or not.
You probably hear all the time, this is what you need to care for yourself. Surely this happens whether you are working as a caregiver or not. However, your needs are different than those of other caregivers out there. And it’s hard to know what you need to do to help yourself in a difficult situation. Hence I want to walk you through in this article how to figure out what you actually need to do to take care of yourself.
Some have to be working as a caregiver!
I’ve recently spoken with a woman in her 70s whose husband has got a neurodegenerative disease. Then I spoke to a woman in her 40s whose parents are declining. Finally I spoke with a woman in her 50s whose husband also has a neurodegenerative disease. The issues they face are very different.
So let’s go over some distinctions that can help you to identify your specific needs. And keep reading because I have a special gift for you at the end.
The first distinction : do you have to be working as a caregiver, or not?
The first distinction I would like to make is whether you need to be working as a caregivcer or not. So if you are still active professionally, you have a huge amount going on. Between your job and caring for your loved one, it’s a lot. This loved one might be a parent, your spouse, or even a child. In any case, having a job to give to and a loved one to give to, there is a lot of pressure on your time. Can you let me know in the comments which group you belong to, working full time or retired or working from home, that way I can tailor my content to you.
You might feel like you don’t want the added burden of the declining loved one and you prefer to distract yourself from it. That is a phase you may have to go through but I’m sorry to say, it’s fraught with denial. At some point, if some of the responsibility for caring for this loved one falls on you, you may need to come to terms with that. The gift I have at the end of the video might help you.
One of my clients is in this case and it’s a treacherous situation to have a loved one at home who is no longer completely autonomous and to have to be working as a caregiver. And yet it is important that you find some time for you in addition to all that. Let that sink in.
Watch the video of this article HERE
Second distinction: is it your spouse or not who is declining?
The first distinction I want to make is whether it is your spouse who is losing autonomy or someone else. If it’s your spouse, you might also be working as a caregiver.
When your spouse, your partner who you love, starts losing their capabilities, there can be many different emotions that co-exist. A sense of responsibility, some anger and frustration – why me, sadness, even a lot of sadness. You might also have a tendency to want to do it all. Maybe to preserve the intimacy of the relationship or because it can be hard to trust someone else when you’ve been in a partnership for years and sometimes decades.
So for you, the biggest need I see for you is to find some time for yourself within the boundaries of what you find acceptable. People might tell you how you need to get out more or whatever they tell you. But if you feel like you want to be with your partner, do that, but remember to take care of yourself within that or you may not be of any use to them sooner than you would like.
I had to remind my dad of that many times when he and my mom were declining in parallel. I know it’s hard but it has to be done.
Third distinction : can your loved one stay alone ?
The third distinction I’d like to make is whether your loved one can stay alone or not. If they cannot, then here’s the first thing you need to do. However difficult that may be, it is to find pockets of time when someone else can be with them. A lot of places have respite care services. So the first thing I would recommend for you is to start looking into that.
Do you need to be working as a caregiver, or not?
Now whatever category you recognise yourself as part of, I’d like to gift you a meditation I’ve recorded for the members of my support community “Your Support Within Your Reach”. The link is https://eudokima.com/letting-go
And now you have a better idea of what next step might be good for you. So it’s time to learn how to actually bring some self care into your crazy timetable. And that’s exactly what I’ll show you how to do in my next blog. Come back next week for that!
Sonia Weyers
Gestalt-thérapist – Supporting Caregivers
Dare The Freedom To Be Yourself
PS: For more tips for caregivers of loved ones with a loss of autonomy you can check out my blog , from 2024, my YouTube Videos or my book “The Sundown of Life”.